Tour Group Problem Debated
Benjamin F. Ossoff
Spurred on by a call to action from Representative Detancro (CR – Odum’s 11th district), the UNC Student Congress vigorously debated yesterday about what to do about the ever-increasing numbers of idiotic tour groups on campus. “It’s out of hand,” declared Detancro, “These freeloading visitors have made it nearly impossible for tuition-paying students to get lunch in Ram’s Head or get even get to classes. We need to find a solution today.”
However, once the debate had started, it rapidly deteriorated from reasonable suggestions such as signs warning students about tourists hogging the dining halls before they go in or signs saying “Visitors Go Home” into more extreme measures. Rep. Liebermann (YD – Grimes’ 35th district) suggested that Student Government appropriate funds to build a pseudo-campus somewhere in the middle of nowhere, which visitors can tour without disturbing any actual UNC students. But Rep. Thompson (CR – Granville Towers observer) insisted that even if only facades were to be built, such a mock-up would be too expensive an undertaking.
After Rep. Friedman (YD – Hinton James’ 2nd district) suggested instead simply dedicating all of Carolina North to accommodating bumbling grown-ups and their hyperactive kids, Rep. Detancro proposed manufacturing plaques bearing the names of campus buildings, affixing them to structures in the roughest part of Carrboro, and diverting tour-buses there. This gained wide favor until SBP Jasmin Jones pointed out that Student Congress doesn’t have any power over this matter whatsoever.
So, after briefly turning to a debate on how Student Congress could bring about world peace, the discussion turned to the bill SC.635. This measure proposes that Student Congress use money to pay off gambling debts of UNC students who bet against the Tar Heels in the Championship. Overwhelmingly supported, representatives decided to take the necessary funds from BoUNCe magazine’s coffers. Ironically enough, the immediate beneficiaries of the measure were all staff members of the Carolina Review.
