Western Civilization Advocate Speaks
Benjamin F. Ossoff
After the disastrous failure of a talk by anti-Hispanic activist Rep. Tom Tancredo, the student group Youth for Western Civilization decided to lay low for a while before trying another major event. On Wednesday evening, unbeknownst to most students, they held a talk by prominent Western-ist Heinrich Helms at a secret location on campus. However, owing to our street-savvy nature, BoUNCe was able to find out about this appearance sent a reporter to cover it.
Helms began the lecture by extolling the illustrious accomplishments and superiority of the White Race. To be fair, though, he couldn’t have been racist as he said he would welcome anyone from the barbaric races into his company if they apologized sincerely to him for their race and ethnicity first. He recounted the greatness of Greek philosophy (preserved for us by Arabic scholars), the might of Western armament (owing much to the Chinese invention of gunpowder), and the righteousness of the Christian faith (originating in the Middle-East).
Continuing on, Heinrich shifted his tone to address the dangerous hordes of illegal peoples invading our native land (which we took from the Natives already living here). He condemned their savage language (European in origin, but still not English), their godless Catholicism (a Christian religion he had just praised), and their laziness (back-breaking laziness on farms and meat-packing plants, producing so much of our food). These villains, he declared, must assimilate into American Culture by giving up their native ways, just as the English, Scots-Irish, and Germans totally renounced their own when they came.
He fumbled for some time with just where the boundary between East and West was on the map He alternately claimed it to be the Hellespont, the Adriatic, the Zagros Mountains, the US-Mexico border, and the Dead Sea Rift in turn. Helms then turned his cannon against the “slant-eyed Chinamen and Japs,” who hold no respect for Western values of Capitalism or Industry. Pure-blooded Europeans, he said, must reassert themselves through selective breeding programs to combat the rising populations of Asia.
Heinrich Helms concluded his talk by promoting his new book, One People, One Nation, One Faith, available to buy and have autographed after the talk. Incidentally, it is worth noting that this book was made possible through the Sumerian invention of writing, Islamic perfection of Paper-manufacture, and Chinese invention of printing. Helms said his tour would next take him westward to Wyoming, California, Hawaii and then Japan.
